My hospital stay.

I am home safe. If I have any plaque build-up it is not visible, There
is no damage to my heart. I feel much better now that two
cardiologists told me I must have acid reflux from my stomach. When I
told them I HAVE no stomach, and that it was removed to cure acid
reflux, they looked dumbfounded.

They had no further ideas except ‘Coronary artery spasm
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001212/) or ‘Sudden Adult
Death Syndrome’ which occurs almost 700 times a day in the US but no
one knows why, or how to stop it. There is no cure and the only way to
diagnose it is if you drop dead for no apparent reason and it only
happens to people who are in the LOWEST risk category for heart
attack…like Jim Fixx. So I said what I always say: If you dumbasses
don’t know WHAT it is, but nitro relieves it, I want a lifetime, open
prescription for nitro. So I have a lifetime open prescription for
nitro. Just one MORE confirmation that medicine is primarily an art,
not a science.

I started crunching numbers. Doctors have ‘specialties’ because there
is so much to know that no one can know all of it. Even within
specialties, physicians who see the same thing every day become
accustomed to seeing that and simply forget that anything else exists.
So when you read in a magazine about a doctor correctly diagnosing a
one-in-ted-thousand problem, it is usually dumb luck – and that’s why
it’s worth a page in a magazine. I am becoming convinced that only
surgeons actually fix anything with a few notable exceptions – my
doctor and my friend Lee who used to be my doctor come to mind – and
one orthopedic surgeon to whom I give a LOT of grief (what are friends
for?), but whose patients say is the only game in town.

In the magazine, they make it sound like they found it by brilliance,
but if you read the article a couple of times, you notice that they
made up all the brilliant logic after the fact. That’s why you can go
to ten doctors and be diagnosed with ten different WRONG things.
Every doctor asks what the last one did and picks something else.

The only way to find out, if you can find out at all…I mean 150
years ago barbers doubled as doctors…and they basically had no
clue…is to do the research yourself. You have almost as much chance
of discovering the problem as a person who sees you once a year for
fifteen minutes because you can stay on it and because the research is
available to you online – you don’t have to go to medical school.

I’m not saying physicians don’t get it right. When you have a fever
or a traumatic injury, you can’t do research – you are in shock or at
least operating under reduced capacity. But if the doc doesn’t hit it
immediately, chances are he (or she) won’t.

You have more than half an hour to research your own symptoms, so you
probably have a better chance. Your doctor sees 20 people a day and
has about five minutes to find out what’s wrong with every one of
them. You have weeks to find out what is wrong with ONE person. Your
odds are pretty good.

Heck, I don’t even need an examination. I can tell what’s wrong with
you from here. Excluding falls, influenza and stupidity, there is
probably nothing wrong with you that diet and exercise can’t cure
immediately, but here is my diagnosis:

Male: 90% chance you are doing something to yourself that isn’t
healthy. Stop doing that.

Female: self explanatory.

Both: 9% chance you are a dumbass and nature is taking you out of the
gene pool.

Both: .9% chance something is actually wrong with you. If there is,
it will probably fatal before the doctor finds it.

Both: .1% chance that something is actually wrong with you and someone
will find it in time.

You’re welcome. That will be $500. (My procedure would have been
$6,000 if I had no insurance.)

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